Enunciation

Words just make everything so concrete. In want of moulding all my feelings to words,.. I let them creep into me. And eventually all my feelings are reduced to words. I’m no longer even responding to stimuli. I’m merely translating what I see to English… to the limit that I try to think about things, feelings that should legally move me…but all I’m doing is articulating them…

I just tell everything that happens to me, again to me… and in the end all they do is to brush my consciousness…telling me, that they exist in a remote corner of the world. Nothing moves me. I switch on the television, that the blatancy of a population infested with futility in the façade of reality, would move me. It only shocks me, and makes me immune to it.

I’ve divided myself into two. The one on whom life is thrust upon, and the one who silently mocks all that the former does in the helplessness of not being able to handle it..

I don’t know where I started… to make words so important… and as I proceed I make all

my talks so complicated…unfathomable.

Unfathomable to everyone, who was so important, when it all began, that my quiet feeling self was moved to words….

And now, unfathomable to my quiet unfeeling self.

Every time I try to feel, I postulate an audience. I talk to myself through a mike. Trying to make statements.

I can’t reach out to you. I can’t reach out to myself.

I’m going to just transform my feelings into a swirl again…and every time I want to talk to you…I take daub of my feelings and smear it over paper …smear it over my eyes..